Holy Ghosting
Almost a year ago, I saw this tweet. And while it was cheeky and fun, it hit a little too close to home.
I wrote about it then, but it’s funny now to see how much can change in a year.
Then, I was hurt. My close group of Christian friends had completely cut me out of their lives since I had come out and was honest about my sexuality. They no longer responded to the group texts when I reached out. Suddenly no one had time to hang out anymore. No one would engage with me on social media. It felt so strange and isolating. A few months into this ghosting I would see on different social media posts that they were all hanging out together, and no one had invited me.
I haven’t heard from any of them for over a year now. Some of them have gone as far as blocking me on social media. This was the group of friends that I had for over a decade since graduating high school; that I’d traveled the world with and been through all their ups and downs with — the friends that have told me their deepest secrets and struggles. Now they act as if I don’t exist.
At first I tried to excuse it as being that we’re all at different parts in our lives, that everyone has stressful jobs or things with their families happening. I also have tried to make excuses that they don’t have the tools to work through this, coming from the conservative Christian bubble. Or maybe they’re mad at me for keeping this a secret from them. However, the more that time has passed, I don’t think so.
I also know a couple of these people have struggled with their own sexuality, and I think me coming out and being honest about my life just hits a little to close to home for them.
That season in my life hurt. Rejection hurts. Going cold-turkey in relationships hurt. Now I’m thankful to say I don’t hurt anymore. Maybe it’s confidence in my own identity or building new, authentic relationships in the past year. Whatever it is, those bygone relationships don’t hurt me anymore. Furthermore, knowing what I know now, I’m not even sure I would want any of those relationships back in my life.
I share this now because I know that many Christians who decide to be honest and come out will lose friends. And that’s gonna sting a little bit. Maybe a lotta bit. But to have authentic relationships means so much more. Friendships have seasons, friendships are human, and friendships can be finite. Moving forward in friendships, I’m happy to have found ones that bring life.
-J